Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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