Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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