you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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