mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
