i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
