Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
