no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
