you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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