i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
