I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
