It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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