I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize