I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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