i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
