I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
