great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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