You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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