like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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