Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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