I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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