I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
