the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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