The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
