I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
