I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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