Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
