I think I am morally bankrupt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
