I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
