i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
