I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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