Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
