btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
