I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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