Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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