Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
