Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
