and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
