i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
