I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
