we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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