There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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