I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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