I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
