glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
