I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So here I am, sexting at work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
