I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
