he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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