His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
