so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
