So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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