Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
