Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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