1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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