That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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