I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
