there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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