There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
