theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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