I showed him my bush... on skype.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
