Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
