Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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