so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
