i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
