I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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