I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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