yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
