Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
