This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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